Suffer the little children

*** RANT ALERT ***

Frankly speaking? I know that my well-being does matter to some people. Others probably just want to be part of, or have a connection to - no matter how far removed or spurious - the recent tragedy. (Which, is understandable - Man is driven by his need to belong.)

And then, there are those who seem intent on having me choke to death in my own blood. You see, it was not enough that I had thanked (and a few more times in my heart too) those who had tried contacting me to express their concern. Apparently, I was also supposed to feel bad about causing worry to my mother. (And unspoken in those unforgiving eyes, to everyone else.) This is especially since, after realising that I couldn't get a strong enough signal on my handphone to reply to the worried messages, I didn't then approach the resort to use their IDD line. And there I was thinking that my illiterate parents and lowly educated sisters would have had the common sense to look up Sipadan on the map or ask around, for example, well-informed people like the abovementioned, who knew that Sipadan was outside the quake zone. And, since I came from the same gene pool, I must be just as stupid. Which, then explains why it didn't occur to me to borrow an IDD line from someone else. Which, also, explains why I was then given a Dummy's Guide to Earthquakes are Formed When a Tectonic Plate Slides Under Another Tectonic Plate - even after I very casually mentioned that I did Geography for my 'O' Levels.

Seeing as to how I was too unrepentant to proffer the profuse apology that was expected, the lecture (?!) continued (?!?!) for a while (?!?!?!), until I very gently pointed out that it was pointless going over the "Why did you not..." of something that was already in the past. What really mattered was that I was back and SAFE, no? (Oh wait, maybe the point was that I didn't DIE.)

Even my own mother didn't give me shit about not calling back within the first few days. The others were just happy enough to hear my voice again (when I got a signal back on the mainland of Sabah about a week later). And I certainly didn't need this from someone who really doesn't give a flying fuck for my well-being, and was actually envious about my trip to one of the Meccas for diving. And, what's this shit about blaming other people for everything bad, and expecting gratitude in return for your good deeds? The point is not whether selflessness should be applauded, but whether, without such acknowledgements, the good that has been done is any less diminished.

If you are thinking I sound like I was really pissed, that's because I was.

Anyway, since the guilt trip was not getting through to my thick skull, I then got a sermon about the quake being one of the signs of Armageddon. And the point of these... signs... that have claimed so many, many, many innocent lives AND children? A chance for the non-believers to repent, and to believe. Since this was followed with a very meaningful and expectant look, and I was an outsider of the faith, I didn't think I had the moral authority to then ask:

"What about those who died?

What about those who BELIEVED?

What's the point to that?

ALL of that."